A year ago, I wasn’t
feeling much Christmas cheer. It was the
shadow of upcoming change that darkened the season and prevented me from
enjoying the holiday. For weeks, my
focus had involved sorting through boxes that contained memories from our lives,
deciding what needed donating, tossing or saving. Packing and getting things in order overshadowed
decorating, shopping, gift wrapping and cooking. Christmas was hastily put together, an
afterthought for me, because a bigger event loomed soon afterward. And for the first time in my life, the
decorations came down and were packed away as soon as December 25th
was history. It was as if a light switch
had suddenly been flipped, and the holiday was forgotten and over. Time to move on. Time to face big change once again. And on December 30, 2015, I said goodbye to a
house in Chicagoland that had been home to me for twelve years; a new place
waited in Memphis, a new job for my husband.
It’s difficult to
explain the emotions that get attached to a house. It is just a building, after all, and a dozen
years don’t seem like many to some people.
However, it’s the level of living and the significant events that made
those years full and meaningful for me, and that’s what makes a house a home. The house saw both of our daughters graduate
from high school and college; it was our home when one got married, and the
other became engaged. Within those
walls, I wrote books and saw three of them published; anniversaries and
birthdays were planned and celebrated, holidays passed and parties were held,
vacations enjoyed. The golden retriever
that moved into that house with us lost her life to illness during those years;
the sweet angel with fur that just moved south with us entered our lives as a
puppy there, too. The tenure might have
been short, but the content was full.
It was tough putting
the house on the market. The “For Sale”
sign was placed in the yard on January 2nd and five months later it
sold. During that time, I never lost the
emotional attachment but I could only endure one visit in order to check on it. Walking into that empty shell which had meant
so much to me and seeing the condition it was in due to viewings was too
much. It was a disappointing list of
things that hit me full in the face when I opened the front door, and it looked
tired; the disrespect shown by strangers for something that had been part of my
life took its toll. I never went back. The day our house sold was bittersweet, but I
know the new owners are making their own memories in it.
Those who have
gone through it know this: moving is hard.
Doing so across country means uprooting and leaving everything you’ve
come to rely on behind you. The day to day
things taken for granted have to be rethought anew, with much of it trial and error
until the fit is right. In the past, the
kids moved with us, easing the difficulty of that unknown, but this time was different. One daughter remains in Chicago, while the
other lives in Colorado. Plans now have
to be made to see both of them, and that’s tough on a parent.
And when the
family moves because of one spouse’s job, that spouse has an immediate source
of interaction to help with adjusting to a new place. While moving is usually difficult for
children, they too have support from schools and new friends. It’s the other tag-along spouse/parent who is
left dangling, trying to make things work while struggling to figure out
his/her purpose that moving affects the most.
You feel lost while trying to establish yourself; planting seeds to
initiate new roots is timely and they don’t always take right away. It’s easy to feel like a failure.
The year has
passed quickly, as they all seem to do nowadays. It saw our oldest get married in May; we took
a trip to Scotland and England in October, and spent Thanksgiving with the
youngest in Colorado. Family will arrive
in a couple of days to share Christmas, which will be celebrated as usual. No rushing and the decorations won’t be taken
down on the 26th. The latest
manuscript is now in the hands of literary agents, and there are thoughts of
the next book. I just organized a food
drive that I hope becomes an annual event, and I’ve already participated in an
author fair. My new house is starting to
feel like home. You see those seeds are
sprouting.
Take the time to
reflect, and if you have the time, don’t rush.
Enjoy the season with friends and family. I wish all of you the happiest of holidays;
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.
